Start That Garden

Welcome back naughty naturalists. Today we dive into starting a vegetable garden from scratch and surprise.. it's easier than convincing your cat to take a bath😼, and the rewards are tastier than anything you’ll find in the grocery store’s sad produce aisle.

Those store-bought veggies? They’re like the culinary equivalent of a soggy handshake—limp, flavorless, and probably picked before they had a chance to develop any personality. Plus, the nutrition in those jet-lagged tomatoes and grainy apples is about as impressive as a participation trophy. Growing your own food, on the other hand, is like hosting a flavor party in your backyard, and you’re invited! Here’s a fun, foolproof guide to starting your vegetable garden from scratch, no green thumb required.

First, let’s talk about why store-bought veggies are the worst. Those supermarket cucumbers taste like they’ve been on a world tour in a cargo hold, losing all their crunch and soul along the way☠️. The tomatoes? They’re red on the outside but emotionally unavailable on the inside, with a mealy texture that screams “I was bred for shelf life, not love.” And don’t get me started on the nutritional value— not only are they proving the soil they grow our veggies in is depleted of nutrients but by the time those veggies hit the shelves, they’ve lost so many vitamins they’re basically just fiber with trust issues. Homegrown veggies, though? They’re bursting with flavor, nutrients, and that satisfying snap that says, “I was born in dirt, and I’m proud of it!” So break the mold, be a little naughty and grow your own food, even if you only have 1 container for some cherry tomatoes, you won't be disappointed.

Now, let’s get to the good stuff: starting your garden. Step one is picking a spot. You don’t need a sprawling estate—any patch of dirt that gets at least six hours of sun will do. Got a tiny balcony? Containers work like a charm. Think of it as giving your plants their own cozy apartments. Just make sure the soil isn’t a total disaster—mix in some compost to give it a nutrient boost, like a smoothie for your dirt. Easily found at walmart, or a local nursery... or just buy the stuff in he bag that says "veggie mix". If your soil is more clay than cake, don’t panic; raised garden beds are your new best friend. They’re like VIP lounges for vegetables, and they make weeding less of a backbreaking soap opera. Although, our ground is 90% rocks and 10% dirt.. not soil in my mind. So we grabbed some clearance bags or soil from walmart and ace and mixed it in, our first year our plants were o the smaller side but 3 years later, there are worms!!! and the soil is darker, richer and easier to dig into. Some things just take time.

Next, choose your crops. Start with easy-peasy plants that practically grow themselves: zucchini (it’ll multiply faster than your unread emails), cherry tomatoes (sweet little flavor bombs), or lettuce (because who doesn’t love a salad that didn’t cost $12?). Check your growing zone—Google “USDA hardiness zone” plus your zip code—and plant what thrives in your climate. Timing is key, so follow seed packet instructions like they’re a recipe for your grandma’s cookies, not a suggestion from a shady recipe blog. We start our seeds inside and sit them in the windows until they grow some decent roots then we kick them outside to live a life in the elements (studies show that plants that have a little damage to their leaves grow more nutrient dense fruit... seems like a fitting analogy for our lives too, a little hardship only makes us better right?)

Planting is where the fun begins. Dig a little hole, drop in your seeds, and cover them like you’re tucking them in for a dirt nap... except they will come back to life like a zombie. Water them gently—think soothing rain shower, not fire hose. If you’re feeling fancy, label your rows with popsicle sticks so you don’t mix up your carrots with your kale... but honestly, you'll notice the difference when the time comes and sometimes a little surprise is the spice of life right? Pro tip: don’t plant everything at once. Stagger your planting every couple of weeks so you’re not drowning in zucchini by July. (Trust me, your neighbors will only accept so many zucchini bread loaves before they start avoiding you.)

Watering is simple—keep the soil moist but not swampy. Think of it as giving your plants a steady sip, not a dunk in the kiddie pool. Mulch with straw or grass clippings to keep the soil cozy and the weeds at bay. Speaking of weeds, pull those suckers out like you’re evicting freeloaders from your garden party. Pests? Invite some ladybugs over—they’re like the bouncers of the bug world, munching on aphids like nobody’s business.

Here’s the best part: you don’t need to be a plant whisperer to pull this off. Gardening is like raising a pet rock with benefits—give it a little love, and it’ll reward you with food that actually tastes like food. In a few weeks, you’ll be chomping on crisp radishes that make store-bought ones taste like wet cardboard. Your salads will have so much flavor, you’ll feel like a Michelin-star chef. Plus, the nutrients in fresh-picked veggies are so potent, you’ll practically feel like you’re glowing (or at least smugly healthy).

The real kicker? Gardening is cheap therapy. Yanking weeds is better than a punching bag, and watching your seeds sprout is like getting a daily dose of hope. You’ll save money on groceries, impress your friends with your harvest, and maybe even trick your kids into eating vegetables because “we grew these ourselves!” So grab some seeds, get your hands dirty, and tell those flavorless store veggies to take a hike. Your taste buds—and your soul—will thank you.

One of my favorite summer recipes from our garden, is easy and I look forward to it every year. Grab some of those amazing strawberries, some of your home grown spinach, pick up some goat cheese, local is the most fun but wally world special is fine too, grill up some chicken (pro tip: add some of your favorite garden herbs to season it with) add it all to a bowl and you have the freshest strawberry goat cheese salad. I have brought this to bbqs and dinner parties and it is always a hit!

So, what are you looking forward to the most in your garden?